(I received several emails and messages from my blog friends, just out of the blue, saying they've been thinking about me, wondering if I'm okay, just wanting to check in and say hi. My blogging has been very sparse this summer, with several periods of inactivity, but this is the first occasion I've gotten concerned messages. It's interesting that that concern would occur now, at a time when it is warranted.)
I recently discovered that my husband has been engaged in a full-blown affair, for nearly the entire duration of our marriage. For all of the 16 months that we've been married, he has been in a relationship with another woman; a relationship that consisted of sex, and dates, and time together, and daily contact.
This discovery was devastating. It is still devastating. This is very much one of those situations that you hear about, and believe would never and could never happen to you. At the very least, I feel violated and betrayed by the one person that vowed to love me. I am angry, disgusted, sad, and a million other emotions I cannot name. I feel like my entire marriage has been a lie, and I am left with broken pieces, trying to figure out if they can be mended together, or if they are shattered beyond recognition.
I am trying so hard to trust in my Lord, knowing that "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). Right now, I don't have a clear picture of God's purpose for my life, but I will "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5).
I have several products that I need to review and giveaway, so I will not be entirely absent from my blog. You can expect to see those posts soon. If I feel that blogging would be beneficial or therapeutic, I will do so, and if I feel my world is far too depressing, then I will not.
If you feel the inclination to send a prayer my way, know that I appreciate it, and that your kindness means a lot to me.
(I am sharing this information not out of a desire for sympathy, judgement, attention, or condemnation. I am writing it because it is me, and my life, and I am far too good at keeping all my feelings locked up inside instead of dealing with them in a healthier manner. This post was more for me than it is for you.)